i just wanna be..

been wishing i could be in multiple places at once..and not just the ordinary two places at once..it feels like four or five places..

i wanna be were i am now..at home..in guelph..with my family and old friends..it's been nice and i like it..

i wanna be back where i was..at my second home..in waterloo..with my new friends and that independent environment..

i wanna be in BC..wedding dress shopping..or in the ocean..or up in the mountains..or just walking around in the beautiful cities..

i wanna be on the moon..somewhere far away..just to be by myself..have some peace and quiet and not worry about anything..

then again i'm old enough to know i can't always have what i want rite? but i suppose i can always dream..

so useless..to some extent

i've never been so bored and useless in my life..it's been amazing being back at home..i love it..but needless to say, i need something to do..been trying to find a job..but not much luck..so i've been resorting to the mall..however the guilt of spending money i don't have to spend is piling up..

and then when i sit..(something i've been waiting to do..just sit)..i think about being back in waterloo..being able to walk into the hall at 1am..being able to do whatever i wanted whenever i wanted..and i realized just how much i missed it..and how much i missed the ppl..

and yet, when i was there..i was looking forward to being home so much..wanted to get away from waterloo..but now, it's quite the opposite..makes me think about where i can be happy..and if happiness can really exist..

cuz forever is just a word..

and today is a whole new day..a whole new world..

thursday nite was soooo much fun..finally hanging out with all the girls..playing hide-n-seek at the PAS, trespassing into the daycare centre, running around, pictures, sleepover in the lounge..lots of fun..

the depressing part came friday morning..each and every individual goodbye was so sad..and wanna guess who was the first to cry?? hm..me!! i know, the one who never cries..the one who apparently shows no real emotion..well, lets say this time it was different..this time it was just that i was leaving..leaving and never coming back..like it wasn't the goodbye..i'm gonna see each and every one of those girls again..

and now i'm back in the g-town..it's been good hanging out with the old crew again..but still feels like i'm going back to waterloo soon..hm..miss you guys lots..

so i'm thinking..next weekend, i'll hafta make a trip back there..hafta pick up some texts and sell some others, tie up some odds and ends..and of course..visit some ppl i haven't seen in quite some time..we'll see how things work..

and so..haven't really unpacked anything..that just makes reality so much "realer"..so i guess i should do that..gotta face it some time..

and what now..

well..first year as i know it is almost officially over..the feeling should be great and yet it feels so grim..

so the end of a beginning is here and another beginning of an end approaches..

cherish the days and even the seconds because within 100000secs, we'll be gone..no more next door floormates, not more roommate, no more end of the hall floormates, no more other hall floormates..so what's left?

friendships..and friends that will last a life time..memories that will be cherished and remembered forever..

Moving forward..

i am often wondering where i will be in the future..but more importantly, i'm wondering about who will be in my life in the future..sometimes it's so clear as to who will remain significant evident from their effort to remain significant..and other times it's not..

oh well..moving forward is just something you hafta do..

i can count the days on one hand..give it two more days and it'll really sink in..first year will be officially over..

prospects for may?
1.relax
2.find job
3.unpack
4.algebra and inorganic chem
5.engagement party

leaving a place called home for 8 months..returning to a place called home for over 18 years..should be easy rite?

Buses and Being in Guelph

went home wednesday afternoon..tried studying at home for a while when i was like "i'm getting nothing done..wish i were in waterloo at the library"..so i thought to myself, wait, there's a perfectly good university in this city..

and so i decided to try studying at the unversity of guelph..was gonna drive when i realized, like waterloo..guelph has no parking..so i decided to take the good old bus which i hadn't taken for a good 7 months..

as always, the bus from my house was late..but as i got on, asked for a transfer, everything came back to me..the familiar route and everything..i noticed some of the "regulars" who used to take the bus back in the day when i would take the bus to school everyday..it was like old times again..so i started reading some of the ads on the side of the bus..very different from what they used to be..then read the prices and boy have those risen..

so as the bus stopped downtown in the square for transferring, i realized i didn't know where the U of G bus stopped..seeing as the square had four corners, and i knew it wasn't at 2 of the corners, so i took a guess and by my luck, i was wrong..so then after waiting for all the traffic to stop, i crossed the street and waited for the U of G express bus..as i got on the bus, the bus driver didn't even check tickets or transfers (probably knowing anyone getting on the bus would be a U of G student)

so i got on and rode the bus to the university..now the U of G is one of the most confusing campus's ever..main city streets run through it while every other building is not a university building..so i was confused at where to get off first..so i just sat there til i got to a familar building which ended up being the Univeristy Centre also known as the UC as opposed to my oh so familiar SLC..so i got off and followed directions from a friend to get to the library..which is where i am currently situated typing this and not studying..

so besides all the blabbing, the moral of my story..as nice and comforting of a feeling it was knowing not everything had changed in my hometown of guelph..i really like having a second home in waterloo..and although this whole bus taking trip was quite a memorable experience, i'm still not planning to use guelph's public transportation to it's fullest..

Favourite People..

everyone has favourite people..although this sounds like a totally dumb statement and it makes me sound extremely shallow and bias, you know you have them too..

"favourite people" are those who you love talking to..whether in person, msn, or on the phone..you can talk to them about anything from random stuff to the stuff that really matters..it's those people you have a special connection with..these people aren't necessarily your closest friends or those who mean a lot to you so perhaps i shouldn't call them "favourite people" and just say they are favourite people to talk to..

but i love these people..i am always looking forward to talking to these people..and there are very few who fit into this category..so besides the people who i've autally told are my favourite people and i'm almost certain the others know who they are..these people important and play key roles in my life..so here's a thank you for being one of my favourite people

*if you're reading this and this makes no sense what-so-ever, ignore it..chances are it doesn't make any sense and i'm just rambling about nothing*

It's a wonder..

how you can be surrounded by people all the time and still feel so isolated..

this is more or less an old saying, but i've never fully experienced it til now..

reflecting on the past few months, i guess it's my fault more then anyones..but to always be around the same people proposes some small problems for me..and sometimes i just wanted get away..and yet, when i did get away, i couldn't help but have that feeling of being "left-out" or "out of the loop" with those i got away from..and yes this is probably a contradictory statement..but like the original line "isolation when surrounded by people," i've learned that it's possible to desperately want to separate yourself from people yet want to be with them so bad at the same time..

and at those moments in time, you feel stuck..and you don't know what to do..so the question is would you rather be trapped and frustrated or isolated and free?

*sum 41-pieces*

Purpose of A Blog

So i was asked the other day why i keep a blog..the person said to me, "it's like keeping an online journal"..and my response was, "well, that's IS the reason why i blog..it's to keep an online journal"..and they said "but everyone will know what you're thinking"..and i was like, "well, duh"

the reason one blogs is to express their thoughts and feelings..to write things you don't usually say in day to day conversations..it's an online journal because you're writing about details of your life or what you're feeling..and of course, you wouldn't write things you didn't want people to know about..so it's personal, but not too personal..

another reason to blog is to keep others up to date with your life..people whom you don't have time to talk to a lot or people who you don't see a lot..

and i suppose the purpose of keeping a blog is also just for fun in a sense but it does have it's real purposes..agreed?

Growing Up..

recent events have really got me thinking how much we've all grown up..even though we might now realize it, we really have..

7 months ago, it was september..although that is not a very significant amount of time, i can tell you that i've grown up more during the 7 months then i think i've grown up during all 4 years of high school..more then in the sense of just mentally and physically grown up which i know that anyone living away from home feels..it's growing up and coming to the realization of just how grown up you really are..and with this context, age really means nothing because my 13 year old cousin is probably a lot "older" then some of my friends..

next year, most of us, if not already, will be 20..now thats a bit of a scary thought..it's like you're offically all grown up and no longer a kid..especially now that first year is over, you look back and wonder how you got this far..and the answer to that is that you've grown up..grown up and moved ahead in life..decided what you wanted to do and made it happen..

and now the future lies ahead of you..you can do anything you choose to do..be the person you've always wanted to be..and with all that you will grow and learn and live life..

life's what you make it