Special Things

everyone needs a special dream..something that keeps them going when everything seems to suck..when the world just isn't right, this thing keeps encouraging you to try..it's that thing that you want sooooo bad that it makes you want to try harder and not give up..it's that thing that inspires you..it's your goal in life..the thing that makes life worth living for..

everyone needs someone(s) special..someone who will always be there for you..someone who will go out of there way to make you happy..the person who always tries to make you laugh..someone who always makes you want to smile when you are sad..the person who listens without judging..the person who loves you no matter what you've done..the person or persons that make life worth living for..

everyone needs a special place..a place you can go when you need to be alone..a place you can run to..it can be that place you've always wanted to go to..somewhere that keeps you sane and makes you realize how lucky you are..a place that always makes you happy..it's the place that you know will always be open to you..the place that makes life worth living for..

happiness, my sisters, home
this actually says something..(i.e.the special things for me)

Precious Moments

i've had some incredibly precious moments lately..moments with people who have really touched my life..meanful conversations with people i know really care..inspirational and encouraging moments..they are the type of moments that you just kinda think about after and know you have to cherish them..the moments that you know will never occur again..the moments that make you realize just how special everything is..

i love those moments..

Time

sometimes you don't realize how much time has passed..like i'm only persay 18 years old and i've done so much in life that i didn't realize..(not saying i haven't got more then half my life to live), but like, i've been to 4 different schools within 14 years, met some awesome people, visited some amazing places, learned some incredible stuff..and so much more..it just astonishes me how much time has passed to allow me to do all these things..so i guess when they say time flies when you're having fun, it's actually true..

on the other hand, sometimes you don't realize how little time has passed..for instance, i feel like i've known the people i met in september for a really long time when it's actually only been like 7 months..i also feel like i've been at university since forever ago, but it's just been 7 months too..and it feels like ages ago that i was living at home..but that too was a mere 7 months back..its a strange feeling when you look back and realize how much things have changed in so very little time..

so i guess you could say that time is relative..haha..(it's a physics thing if you have no idea what i'm talking about..yah, i'm a bit of a nerd)..depending on what part of your life you're at, it's just amazing what time can do..

questions and answers

sometimes questions are best left unanswered..like sometimes its ok to not know what you're doing or where you're going..

but if you're anything like me, you like certainty and direction in your life..but i guess things have taught me that you can't always plan things out and stick to that plan..situations will arise where you have to improvise a little..

so i find that sometimes it's better to just leave things unplanned..i'm not saying wing everything..just saying that you don't have to have all the answers to the questions you ask yourself or the questions people ask you..

it's ok to be indefinite and it's ok to leave life undetermined..

now, how convincing are those words cuz i should be taking my own advice..

So i'm thinking..

hmm..it's been a pretty good last few days..realized that sometimes you just need to get away for a bit..change of scenery..change of faces..change of the old routines..

it's amazing how fast things can pass you by and you don't realize it til soon after..take this term for example..i know i keep stressing how different it is..but it's gone by so riduculously fast..i feel like i was in BC for christmas just last week..crazy..

and well..i'm thinking about what the summer will be like..it's hard to anticipate what it'll be like to go back to a life and place you once dreaded to leave...and come fall, the challenge of leaving home again arises but i guess we'll be coming back to our "other life" so it'll be easier..

i often wonder how the little changes affect the big ones..do they?

Title-less

I really have nothing exciting to say...lots on my mind...slowly trying to decipher things in my head and make sense of the world...i'm sad winter's almost over...sad this term is almost over...although i can't wait til summer...moving back home will be interesting...leaving the place i've called home for the past 7 months will be weird...

**Chris

Social Interactions-learning to talk to people

i've been so wrapped up in my own problems lately that i've barely given a single thought about anything or anyone else..and for that i'm sorry..but sometimes i find it hard to read people..like i don't really know how they are feeling because they hide it well or i can't tell when something is wrong..then again, i look at myself and i realize those who are most close to me barely know the beginnings of how i'm feeling sometimes..we just assume others will notice that we are upset or sad..

so maybe we could all just take a couple mintues to talk amongst ourselves..share your feelings with others and extress yourself..listen to others..take an extra second when you're talking to someone and really ask how they are..not just the casual what's up..but if you do, maybe follow up on a question or two..tune into the thoughts of others.. but i know that when everyone has their own things to worry about, that's hard to do..

then on the other hand, some people (i suppose including myself) find it hard to just tell some random person or even an acquaitance how i feel..so i can understand the difficulty in confiding in someone your person thoughts and problems..so i don't know if there is any real solution to this..it's just something i've been thinking about..

Life is like a puzzle

sometimes i feel like screaming..screaming because nothing makes sense to me anymore..the pieces of my life don't fit together like they once did..and there are a whole bunch of missing pieces..and i know eventually, time will let me find them..but the process is draining me...just hanging on is so hard..especially when i can't see the whole completed puzzle..

Dana Glover:
And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose

Lifehouse:
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started

BSB:
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could

Ashlee Simpson:
Fall
Sometimes I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath

Westlife:
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is reach out your hands
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cuz I'd already know

can't say it any better..if these lyrics were the pieces to one big puzzle, that puzzle would describe how i'm feeling..

Smiles and Funniness

So lately, i've been in a bit of a depressing mood..but this week when someone told me i was funny, it really brightened my day..I love being told that i'm funny...that probably sounds crazy, but i love it..it always makes me smile...

being funny isn't really something i intentionally try to do..because honestly if i did try to be funny, it would just come out messed up and make me look like an idiot..

i like seeing people happy or laughing, so when i'm the source of that happiness or laugher, it makes me happy:P

but now that i've said this, i'm gonna have people randomly telling i'm funny..but it's not the case where i like it everytime someones says i'm funny..it has to be in the right context..like i've actually said something thats funny or done something funny..cuz if i'm trying to be serious and you tell me i'm funny..that could be a potential problem..hehe

anyhow, that's all i really wanted to say

*smiles*funnies*me*special*

Strength

Defintion of strength
i)The state, property, or quality of being strong
ii)The power to resist attack
iii)The power to resist strain or stress; durability
iv)The ability to maintain a moral or intellectual position firmly
v)Capacity or potential for effective action

Uses of strength
i)To reach your goals
ii)To be the person you want to be
iii)To be there for the ones you love
iv)To move on and get over something
v)To live

Sometimes all it takes is a little strength..

I'm wishing i had a little more strength these days..strength to deal with everything..sometimes it really feels like i can't turn to anyone..everyone seems too busy or they just don't notice when somethings wrong

I need the strength to figure out life..strength to determine and accomplish my goals..strength to be more independent..strength to create myself (because life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself)..strength to move on from the past..and strength to get through the next few unpredictable months..and strength just to live

Sources of strength
i)Family
ii)Friends-??
iii)Myself

ThEmEsOnG

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Do YoU eVeR FeEl?

do you ever feel like the whole world is changing and you're not?
do you ever feel like the people around you don't really care about you?
do you ever feel no matter how hard you try, you just can't do something?
do you ever feel people who are furthest away from you care the most?
do you ever feel sometimes the things you do are so useless?
do you ever feel like getting away from everything you've ever known?
do you ever feel that no one would notice if you weren't there?
do you ever feel like making a new group of friends who don't know you?
do you ever feel you've lost yourself and can't seem to find you again?
do you ever feel confused about the future and what you want to do?
do you ever feel that everything just sux and there's nothing you can do?
do you ever feel sometimes you're scared of the littlest things in life?
do you ever feel so sick and tired of life itself?

well, i do...

My thoughts

I dont' know if it's just me, but it seems as though the more time i spend with people, the more i miss them when i'm not with them, but the more i see people on a regular basis, the more i feel like i'm drifting away from them...i know that sounds incredibly confusing so allow me to enlighten and elaborate..

Last term i barely went back to guelph..probably a total of 4 times over the whole semester..and yet, i could deal with that..being away from my family just seemed like a normal high school to university transition step..and being away from friends was ok too because we were all moving on..but this term, i've been home just about every other weekend..and when i come back to waterloo, i'm wishing i was still in guelph..and i miss being with family and friends back home so much..i don't know why..but it's a lot harder to be away this term..and the more time i spend with them, the more i miss them when i'm gone

Now for the other bit..in waterloo, the more i see friends on a regular basis, the more i feel i'm drifting away from them..and it's a little depressing in some ways..although i see everyone like everyday, i feel like we've lost our connection and the friendship has moved to an acquaintance level..i don't feel like we were as close as last year and again, i'm not sure why..yah, i know things have changed, but..

so i don't know..is it possible to miss people more when you see them more often and is it possible to lose touch with the people you see everyday??