in need of inspiration

1.my stress level is at an all time high...i feel like i am lost and hopeless..i need something to make me realize that it'll be ok..

2.when i actually pay attention in class, i realize i really do love chemistry..so i know i am in the rite direction..just need to focus

3.thinking about coop makes me happy..it's a little scary but it'll be a good experience even if it means moving to a brand new city all by myself..learning through experience is the best kind of learning

4.beneath all the stress, there is peace and happiness..i cherish the rare occasions when i am laughing and enjoying the moment

5.i want to give up..just want to quit school..i have no motivation anymore..

6.i am allowed to change my mind..just because i've wanted something for all my life doesn't mean i still have to want it..hence, i need to find something new to want: a new source of motivation and inspiration

learning about myself

i like to think that i learn something new everyday..today especially was a very important learning day for me..

all week, i was preparing for coop interviews, studying for midterms, trying to not get stressed out..yet, it was still very stressful..

it's hard to stay focussed..this week procrastination showed me a lesson..getting 2 hours of sleep the nite b4 an exam really does that trick..

with each new interview, i learned something i was good at, what i need to work on and what i truly want and like doing..

today, i was asked what my philosophy of life was..and i replied with my favourite quote (the purpose of life is a life of purpose)..

after classes today, i went to my usually shift at the pharmacy..and omg..and somehow I had become so advanced that i was given quite a few difficult tasks..it might not seem like much, but i felt completely independent and felt like i was finally doing something that truly mattered..why can't i just be a pharmacist and skip all the school crap?

so what else did i learn? i learned that everything takes time..you need to be prepared for things..and if you want something enough and you put all your heart and soul into it, you usually get it..

but more importantly, the most brilliant thing i learned this week was that you get what you deserve..so many things went screwy this week..and when i think about it, there were justifiable reasons..but today, something amazing happened..karma!

little side note:
-do you believe in karma?
-well today more than any other time in my life, i am a true believer
-my defintion is that good comes to those who are good
-but everytime you purposely screw up or commit a wrong, it will come right back and bite you in the ass..
-my proof: i don't have any, i just believe it cuz i do
-in conclusion, everything happens for reason

where my heart's at..

ever wonder why it's so easy to get mad at the ones you love? or how easy it is to just blow them off? or why you always have the tendency to shout and scream to them about everything that is wrong with your life?

well, when you get angry or upset with someone you love, you know they'll always forgive you..

that's why it's ever-so-easy to treat those you love without the same respect you would a stranger..you can be rude, obnoxious and even hateful to those you care most about..yet you rarely feel any sort of guilt or regret nor do you ever think about it..and why?

it's cuz you know to some extent it's ok..you know they care and will always care..

but now that i'm thinking about it..i do feel a little guilty..guilty that i don't treat my family with the utmost respect that i should for sometimes i fear they don't realize i love them as much as i do..or guilty that i'm insensitive or uncaring to the greatest of my friends..

my list could probably go on..but sometimes when i do things..it just feels that my head isn't entirely there

**karma always catches up wtih you

something intelligent

i'm trying to think of something intelligent to say but can't..probably because i haven't really been thinking about much these days..it seems like the focus of my world is school..and yes, i do suppose that is a good thing..but there is also something missing..like the thing i used to call life..

i need something to exercise my brain..like school isn't enough eh..well..yes, school is a form of exercising my brain..but it is only exercising the chemistry/biology/philosophy side..what about the whole other side that consists of intelligent thinking..

i think i've lost the ability to think intelligently..does that make sense? probably not..i actually think i've lost the ability to do lots of things..i.e. write blogs that make sense or have some relatively important point..

and i think i have gained some weird ability to talk to myself and rationalize crazy things..hmm..weird what things make you do..

ok..well that's all i have to say