July 31st 1986

Happy Birthday to Me!!

"growing up"

Well, where on earth have i been? hm..just a little busy i guess..and i suppose you could say i'm "growing up"

i quit my job yesterday..hm..i applied for a leave of absense for when i was at school and they said no..they asked how long i would like to stay for then..and i said i don't want to stay anymore..so i quit right then and there..i have never done anything like that before

my other job has gotten me thinking..i really like this side of a business life that i have found..the money is great, the job is easy..but one thing for certain is that i could never have a boxed in cubicle career when i "grow up"..8 hours a day 5 days a week for a summer makes me sure science is my preference over business..maybe i will just marry rich..hehe

i also think i that i will have more than one career path when i "grow up"..i would love to be in political science or psychology or marketing..i love change

i think i love change a little too much..almost to the point where some would say i have some commitment issues..well, i guess i am slowly learning how to deal with that..

in the mean time, what can i say? things are meant to be tried..so go ahead, give it a try..cuz how can you say you like chicken best when you've never tried pork or beef or lamb or fish??

haha..5 days til my "365 days left as a teen" count-down begins..

**growing up

Update

i had a blackout today..power was out for 2 hours..it was fun..i love blackouts..

i hate my job..stupid people annoy me..why i put up? i have no idea..they stupidly keep scheduling me to close..next week, i have 4 closing shifts..

my other job is fine..a quiet office where i can basically do whatever i want and go online any time and take mini breaks

hm..so what else is new with me?

i am better..better than what? i dunno..i am just better than what i have been lately..

it's about two weeks til my birthday..how exciting eh? hm, actually i'm not even sure i'm looking forward to it..

this month so far has been very nostalgic for me..lots of good memories creeping up..talking to my south A-girlies makes me miss them more than ever..miss the frosh experience and being excited for school..

i miss the good old guelph times we used to have..

i also flew to chatham to visit a friend..it was lots of fun..again, more good memories..

a part of me always feels like i'm living in the past you know? why is it so hard to let go?

maybe it's because everyone is always a little nervous and afraid of the future because you don't know what will happen..but with the past, things ended up well so we cling on to it..i dunno, it's just a thought..

**sentimental

a little lost..

if i thought i was lost back in february..that was nothing..

things that used to make sense don't have logic anymore

people i relied on simply just aren't what they used to be

i know more than anything it's my fault more than their's

i wish sometimes they knew how i felt

or just took the time to show they care

it throws me for a loop and has me wondering

this summer has been the hardest i've yet experienced

more failures than successes and lots of confusion

i've lost a part of me i wish i still had

and i don't know how to get it back

my inspiration and inner strength has become weakened

my thoughts and, dare i say, dreams are conflicted

i feel like i've been thrown into a new world

a world with different rules and expectations

a life i don't entirely want to live

with my shattered thoughts and desperate need for direction

it's too hard to think about the future

but it's even harder to live through the present

the courage i once had needs to come back

so where does that leave me now??

i don't know

**lost

so what now??

i heard back from U of T

**thinking