-! ~ Christobelle ~ ! -

this is me--> christobelle.blogspot.com

2006-09-13T23:36:00.000-04:00

the finale..bittersweet

2006-07-31T19:23:00.000-04:00

i've got a lot on my mind and lots i want to say..so be prepared for a long one..i'll try and make it worth it..

someone once told me that if you find something to focus on and work really hard, everything else will simply fall right into place..things will juss come to you naturally..but being focussed doesn't mean juss focussing on one thing though..sometimes it's hard to know what to focus on..it's also hard to decipher between what is important and what it isn't..most of the time, i question whether i'm doing the right thing or not..and i do regret to say..i wish i had known what i do now..i wish i had taken more time to care about everything..taken more time to embrace life..living should be with a purpose in mind..creating a purpose..not to say that i exactly know what my purpose is, but i'm juss saying live life by fulfilling what your heart desires..dream and take chances..life is about taking in everything and turning it into a movie called reality..the special thing about this movie is that only you can watch it..the perspective is something only you can experience..

all my life i've spent living with the hopes that people get what they deserve..but as time went on..i often questioned whether good people actually do recieve all the good and does tragic only happen to the bad?? it seems things don't actually work out that way..i've learned a lot..but the only conclusion i can come to is that life doesn't work in an organized way..it's spontaneous..it's string of events are meant to make you happy, give you challenges, bring tears to your eyes..and let you make decisions..

so at one point in time i actually thought i knew who i was or who i wanted to be..but the past two years have changed who i am..or actually..during these years, i have discovered who i am..who knows if this is actually who i am..but my life as it is would be incomplete if i didn't have the people..people like you who are reading my true thoughts and feelings rite now are those that will forever be remembered..it's really been all the little things that have touched me most..there are far too many to mention and this is already gonna be long enough..hehe..so to the people who i've had the opportunity to meet, love, dislike, annoy..you have no idea how much you mean to me..and you have no idea how simply hard this is..the feeling of knowing i have to live without you is terrifying..

university isn't juss about school..that is juss a little part of it..who am i to actually say what it is..but for me, it was about meeting some of the most amazing people to walk the planet..it was about discovering who i was..it was taking it one day at a time until i was ready to do it otherwise..it was about appreciating the fine details..my life has come together to fit like it has never before..i feel like i belong and that this is where i was meant to be..i'm not a big believer it the whole fate and destiny so it's ironic to say this..but it really is perfect..my life's a jigsaw puzzle put together being torn all apart..a million words couldn't say juss how i feel..

i guess i've still got a lot of learning and living to do..i used to (actually i'm still very much..) afraid of growing up..so it's hard..and it truly brings tears to my eyes knowing this is the end of an era..i'm deathly afraid to move on..and i wish i could go back in time and relive everything..to be able to live through some of the greatest times of my life would be wonderful..no regrets for the most part..i do wish i had more time..time that i actually had but i kept thinking..if i don't do it today, i'll do it tomrorow..or next week or next month..but the next thing i knew..next month was turing into the end..you truly don't know what you have until it's about to be all taken away..and sure this isn't my first time leaving somewhere i love..but leaving home to go to university was different..yes it was leaving a life i'd grown to love..but back then..everyone was leaving..everyone was going off to bigger and better things..this time..well this time, it's only me..and it was a choice that only i had to make..a choice that will forever reflect who i am..

i can't even begin to describe how i'm really feeling..i do hope that maybe it gives you a little idea of what i'm thinking..and maybe you understand..maybe you don't..but it doesn't matter..what matters is that you care and you know that i do too..my thoughts may not make any sense..but this is all i've got..

forever isn't juss a word..it's a concept that should be taken seriously..i'd like to point out this isn't all juss sad and depressing for me..i'm actually pretty excited about moving to toronto..excited about doing something i've dreamed of doing..(definitely nervous if i can really do it)..but as i depart this life..i bring with me everything i have learned throughout my 20 years of life..(bet you never thought i'd say that..)..but no need to say goodbye..to make it a bit cliche-ish..it's not the end..it's juss the beginning..as this door closes..another will open..

so this is and will be my final post..so much thought was put into this and it holds extreme sentimental value to me..so wish me luck and please remind me of the things i hope are true and will stay true forever..

**yours always,
Chris

i juss don't know anymore..

2006-07-25T18:32:00.000-04:00

sometimes you juss want to scream..like rite now i juss want to scream..

i am in such a crappy mood and i don't know why..everything is overwhelming me..

i'm trying..believe me..i'm trying to stay positive..but when all i am doing is living and breathing in the life i'm about to lose..it sux..

yes..thats the only way to describe it..

it sux..

happy thoughts

2006-07-16T02:54:00.000-04:00

i have been told i'm being too depressed..so okey..

happy things to think about:
-i'm not losing anything b/c friendships last a lifetime
-growing up is hard, but you gotta do it
-new challenges are juss awaiting
-a fresh start means excitement
-i have been truly blessed

the past two years have been the most amazing years of my life and the people who have touched my life will be forever locked in my memory

how am i supposed to do this???

2006-07-14T12:38:00.000-04:00

it's so unbelievably emotionally painful..
--thinking about it gets me teary-eyed..
--maintaining composure is quite hard when this is all i can constantly think about

the hardest part is knowing i'm not coming back..
-it's being with people for the last time
-it's thinking about them being together without me
-it's the feeling that i'm losing everything
-it's knowing things are never gonna be the same

there are sooo many things i need to do
---and so very little time to do it

how can i do it?

the final stretch..

2006-07-12T01:35:00.000-04:00

one month from today is the end of an era..
one month ago i had no idea a month later would be like this..
it's a sad thought actually..
wish i had more time..
it's much too early for goodbyes..
sigh..don't want to think about it..
so what can i think about??
nothing but that i have one month left..

thought process..

2006-07-04T21:52:00.000-04:00

-my goal for a while now has been to be a pharmacist..i've had my doubts..but still..it was a goal

-so now such opportunity presents itself..
(i can't even begin to describe this..such prestigious-ness..chances were pretty slim..so the opportunity is absolutely amazing)

-two choices..

-reasons to go? -to pursue something i've always wanted to do..

-reasons to stay? - because it might not be what i really want to do..because i might not be able to do it..because i love it here..because things are perfect rite now..

-so how to decide? -here are my thoughts

-what if i can't do it?

-well..U of T seems to think i can..

-how do i know it's something i really want to do?

-because if the program was offered in waterloo..there would be no doubt in my mind to accept..

-this means..that the only thing holding me back are emotional ties..

-"what a silly reason to stay" you say, silly my ass..you try leaving one of the only places that has ever felt rite to you..

-either way it shall be painful..but one way brings challenges and dreams while the other lies with comfort..

-conclusion??

-there wasn't much of a choice

-the decision was basically handed to me on a silver platter..it was just waiting for me to take it..

-i just needed to sort out my thoughts..

**38 days..

random..spontaneous..roadtip..

2006-07-01T18:16:00.000-04:00

what we did on thursday june 29th 2006..

8:30pm-finished 6 hour lab
9:00pm-went to bubble tea
9:30pm-hung out at mikeys
9:45pm-ordered some pizza
10:00pm-worked on assignment
12:30am-decided to stop working on assignment

this is where things stop being normal

12:45am-it is decided it's too late to watch a movie
1:00am-someone says "let's go to niagara falls"

1:15am-we are in the car going to niagara falls

2:45am-we are in niagara falls: saw the beautiful falls, went to casino, walked along clifton hill, bought souvenir, tooks pictures

4:30am-got in car and drove back
6:00am-got breakfast at McD's
7:00am-got home and got ready for classes

hmm..

2006-06-21T01:42:00.000-04:00

i spend too much time dreaming and wondering..

but hey, i'm a dreamer..so i'm allowed to..

you're ok..i'm ok..we're all ok..

2006-06-15T21:13:00.000-04:00

funny things happen to me

sigh..

today it rained

2006-06-08T22:39:00.000-04:00

i knew i shouldn't have posted that last blog..it jinxed my life..it's a week later and i'm feeling the total opposite

sigh..(lack of a better word..)

this week has been hellish..so much going on and sometimes it upsets me that people around me don't notice or don't seem to care..

maybe i shouldn't say anything..

how can things change so much yet still be so the same?

here's to the good life..

2006-05-30T00:21:00.001-04:00

what life? my life..that's right..lol

i may be a little more stressed out than usual, but i can definitely say i agree with people who say university is the time of your life..

as always, school keeps me busy but i've discovered i actually have a passion for what i learn and this makes me realize that struggling through it is totally worth it..

thank goodness for my friends..bubble tea, swimming and killing spiders with my girls, tennis and movies with the randoms, late nite visits from my bestests, ahh..what would i do without you guys?

living in waterloo is amazing..being on my own has such a superior sense of independence, it's undescribable..weather is also absolutely wonderful

also, thanks to my family who always have their way of showing they care..love them with all my heart..

so..what can i say? i'm living a dream life rite now..wish it could stay this way forever..

thank goodness for weekends..

2006-05-22T18:08:00.000-04:00

school has been keeping me unbelievably busy..it seems that if i'm not at school, i'm writing quizzes or assignments or labs one after another..

but thank goodness for my weekends..this one, especially, was so much fun..got my nails done, watched a ton of movies, got fitted for my dress, went out for dinner with the family, went to a concert with one of my bestest and had so much fun with randoms at a super hot country bar..hahaha

if only life were always like that..purely enjoyable weekends with those i love..

**Cherishing the moments, cuz they don't last long enough

and its back to school..

2006-05-07T18:30:00.000-04:00

it's been an amazing first week back..fed, fubar, williams and attempt at ceasars with my girls was so much fun..

then friday: party at our place..never been so crowded before..even borrowed a couch from neighbours..lots of alcohol and cake consumed followed by a funny nite with drunken people at REV..thanx to my BFF, guelphies, roomie and friends..so entertaining and tons of fun..

it's been so good that i haven't thought about anything else..but now that it's over, the school part is starting to sink in..lots of courses and labs that require so much work..on top of that, a wedding + stuff to plan..

i've also started to miss working at SCJ..miss the people terribly..so many good times there..

but this term is just beginning..good times and memories are just waiting..

pure happiness..does such a place even exist??

2006-04-22T19:31:00.000-04:00

i know i say this over and over again, but i am never fully happy where i am..and this upsets me..

like don't get me wrong, i'm happy..i'm happy and thankful for everything i've got and i love my life..

but there always seems to be something missing..

it seems like no matter where i am, who i'm with..i always want something more..and then when i get that something, i want what i already had back..

erggg..it's a vicious circle that keeps me always wanting change..

for once, i juss want to be somewhere where i am fully content..somewhere i want to stay..

does such a place exist?? maybe..one day i'll find it..rite??

karma..it's the way to live

2006-04-14T07:57:00.000-04:00

karma: the belief that a person's actions and conduct determines the person's destiny

i have always been a karma believer..and lately, i realized juss how important a role karma plays in life..

ok, so not every single thing you do determines what happens to you, but if you add up your good and bad doings, you'll see what i mean..

so here's a story: i am FORTUNATE enough to know a man, in his early 50's, who is the most strongest karma ADVOCATOR ever..he tells me these unbelievable stories of how karma has effected him..he practices karma RELIGIOUSLY..for example, today, a co-worker gave him a chocolate bar..and it juss so happened that it was a chocolate bar he was craving all week..now, you could say this was a COINCIDENCE, but at dinner today this man practiced karma by offering to buy dinner for another co-worker..well, it juss so happened that this co-worker later found out he had left his wallet at home and had no money..AMAZING eh? sure you could say this was another coincidence but this man, the karma believer, had no idea of the MONETARY situation..he was juss doing what his gut told him to do..that is the DIFFERENCE between karma and coincidences..karma is a belief..a belief that you follow..it's having FAITH that your actions will determine your destiny..

so ladies and gentlemen, that, is how karma works..what goes around comes around, so you can't juss sit around waitin for luck..

shopping: call it a girl thing..

2006-04-09T22:39:00.000-04:00

with spring fully here, i figure since i'm gonna hafta be in school all summer(ugh), i may as well dress for it.. so i set a date, made a budget, listed out my must-haves and planned a super shopping spree

after 4 hours of shopping..i almost completed my list of skirts, sandles, tank tops and t-shirts..everything ended up blue or white..hehe..the only thing i couldn't find were cute capris..

it is actually quite exciting and i am almost jumping up and down as i am writing this..i haven't been on quite a shopping spree like this in a while so it was so much fun..

my new sandals are my fav new item..i am wearing them rite now!! they are the cutest little blue things in the world and the added bonus is that they match with 3/4 new skirts

call it a girl thing, but shopping excites me so much..i could spend hours trying on all the things i bought..can't waitttt til summer!!!

a whole new me..

2006-04-05T16:53:00.000-04:00

Who: me
What: changes
When: now
Where: here
Why: cuz i need to
How: anyway i can

who i am is who i wanna be

2006-03-28T07:25:00.000-05:00

is it possible for people to change overnite???

yes..i'm living proof..

and i consider myself lucky to be able to say..

My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be
With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor
(Reba McEntire-i'm a survivor)

thank you to everyone who was there for me, you know who you are..you guys are the world to me..

conflicted between opposites

2006-03-22T16:40:00.000-05:00

it seems like everytime i want something, at the same time i always want the exact opposite..

i'm counting down the days til i'm back at school because more than anything, i want to go back..i miss my friends, my apartment, waterloo and having the life of a student..

yet, more than anything, i also want this life i'm living right now to last forever..the feeling and lessons i've learned will never be forgotten..

so there truly is a good and bad side to every situation..but is that really how we're supposed to live lfe? are we supposed to go through life thinking about the good and bad to everything and evaluating every single situation? it seems like a waste sometimes..hm..maybe not..it's probably better just to pick something and stick with it..harder done then said..

well lucky me, i haven't got much of a choice..

back to reality..

2006-03-15T14:25:00.000-05:00

4 exciting days of fun with my bestest friend sarah

day1: got up at 5:30am, drove home, packed, bused to train station, caught 9:45am train, transferred in TO, arrived in kingston at 2:30pm, toured queen's campus, ate mcdonalds, went grocery shopping, made jello shots and a dixie cup castle/bday cake/hat, then slept..

day2: woke up at 12pm, ate chicken bacon, watched an irish parade, went shopping, climbed trees in the park, made pizza, ate jello shots, fell asleep, woke up and intended on going clubbing, ended up walking, watching pink floyd and falling..

day3: woke up at 2pm, ate hotdogs and ice cream, played millionaire, watched grease, fajita dinner at lonestar, grey's anatomy, more millionaire, stuffed pigs/flowers/health cards/white-out in balloons, slept..

day4: woke up at 10am, packed, ate hotdogs and goldfish crackers, WON MILLIONAIRE!!!, cabbed to the train station, left kingston at 2:30, hung out in TO for an hour, arrived in guelph at 7pm..

and now it's back to reality..

just try and live life

2006-02-27T18:21:00.000-05:00

sometimes you really do hafta try things before you judge it..

when my parents first informed me that i was not allowed to move back home for my coop term, i was absolutely devasted..i was on the verge of tears as i was talking to my roomies..it was shocking..but first, lets rewind a bit..

so i got the job at SC Johnson and was absolutely thrilled..thinking that since it was just in brantford, i could move back home and commute to work..then came the shock of my life when my parents insisted that i move there..their thoughts were something along the lines of "it's time for you to grow up a little"..they wanted me to experience life..a life i hadn't expected to live until i finished school with a degree in my pocket..

my first thoughts were "omg, i can't do this..it's not like living at school..at school i had friends and roommates..i had things to do..i had places to go..how am i gonna supposed to move to a brand new city and survive on my own?..i don't know anyone..i am gonna get lost..ahhhhhh" i can't even begin to describe how bad i did not want to move..i wanted more than anything in the world for time just to sit still..i couldn't believe my parents were doing this to me..and hm, i guess i sound like a spoiled child..maybe i was..

but it's been 2 months into the term and my thoughts have taken a huge change..but for the better..the experience i have had has been absolutely incredible..i actually have a full time job that i love so it's as if i am actually done school and working..i drive my own vehicle and pay for the gas..i come home to my own place..a place with my own living room, my own bathroom, my own bedroom..it's actually mine and i am paying my own rent as if i am all grown up..i've made new friends and a brand new social circle i could never imagine having at this age..the word "independent" has a totally new meaning to me..

now the thing i'm dreading is giving this life up and going back to the life of a student..sigh..i don't know what to say..sometimes parents do know what's right for you..even when you believe with all your heart that they are wrong..

let's just say the "lesson" i've learned from all this is that you really just gotta live..live and try..try a bit of everything and you'll learn a bit of everything..but you won't know unless you try..

cooking and laundry part II

2006-02-10T11:58:00.000-05:00

it's been just over a month and i'm sorta getting the hang of things..although here's a couple of funny stories

yesterday i was boiling some water in my kettle for some tea and i had some extra water left over..so i pull out a glass that was in my fridge and as i pour the hot water into the cold glass, it SHATTERED..right in my hands..it scared the crap out of me..i was like "what the hell just happened?"

the first time i did laundry, everything went fine..i didn't shrink anything nor did colours mix..however the second time i did laundry was another story..i was washing my whites and i had this baby blue towel that i figured could be washed with the whites..well, unfortunately i was wrong..some of my white towels came out with fuzzy blotches of blue..

i think i'm just cursed..

stuck on an escalator

2006-01-31T03:43:00.000-05:00

the new becel commercial's got this man and woman going up on an escalator and all of a sudden the escalator stops..the man says to the woman "what do we do now?" and she replies "i guess we wait"..and so the two of them start screaming for help..

this was the funniest thing in the world to me when i first saw it..it's so absurd and crazy..yet it is totally realistic..

imagine being on an escalator with a million people at 5pm in a subway station downtown toronto when it suddenly stops..i betcha at least half those people would have a heart attack and not know what to do..

goes to show you how wrapped up in advance technology people are..haha..

and well, i know most people who saw the commercial wouldn't think much of it but it really made me laugh..then it made me think about how i was laughing at what the world has become..hmmmm..

"what if" vs "what is"

2006-01-22T18:54:00.000-05:00

why is it so hard to forget the things you want to forget?? and why is it so hard to move on after something has happened??

that's life for you..things are supposed to happen..and then they're over..then you want to forget about them or just move past them..but you can't..you just can't..and know why? it's cuz a part of you is still clinging to it..a part of you doesn't want to let it go..you're still thinking, "what if this happened?" or "what if i had done that?"

well..we don't live in a "what if?" world..we live in a "what is" world..and what we see is actually what is..so there's no point in holding onto to that "what if" thought..so why do we do it? i have no idea..i guess there's just some comfort in knowing something could've/would've/should've happened..

i realized that i waste a lot of time wondering what could have been when i should be spending time being grateful for what actually is..there's so much to be happy about..so no more backtracking on the past and dwelling on things i could have done..it's time to face what is..

reminder to self

2006-01-16T16:58:00.000-05:00

being miserable doesn't suit me..i hate it..so when i'm miserable i am grateful i have the people in my life to make that feeling go away..it makes me happy..i like being happy..

**thankful that people have the words to make me feel better..thankful that they care..

what's new???

2006-01-11T18:53:00.000-05:00

new as in the present time or new as in something current..well it's just too bad i haven't got the faintest clue what is new..

by means of world affairs, i am completely up-to-date..i've been paying attention to the latest political debates and news of natural diasters..so i consider myself very well eduated on that level..

by means of a current affairs regarding people..well i would probably rate a 1/10..and the reason for that is the people..how can they expect me to know what is going on in their lives when first of all, i don't see them and second of all because they don't bother to inform me...

so perhaps this is a bit of a rant..maybe not..i usually don't rant..so maybe this is a rant..i don't know..but forgive me, i have been a little bit out of the loop..and sure that part is my own doing..but i have tried to keep in touch with these people..but seeing as they make no effort on their own..well, then all i can ask is what's new and hope they reply..

this is what being a "grown up" does to me..who knew having a full time job and living completely on your own could change things so much..

fresh starts

2006-01-08T20:17:00.000-05:00

i love fresh starts..i love new beginnings..and i love changes

it makes me feel grown up..

and although i miss the past a great deal, embracing the present and future makes me a great deal happier..

my world..

2006-01-03T19:10:00.000-05:00

it would be wrong for me to say that i am annoyed with the world..because i am not..i'm just annoyed with myself..

i've always been a determined person who has the ability to get what she wants..usually that is..

however because of some crazy reason (i'm sure some of you know what it is) there is a reoccuring situation i cannot control..with this situation, i always want to do something to fix it or make it better but i can't..i just can't..like something is holding me back..and i don't know what it is and it is annoying me..

it's gotten to the point where i cannot even make a decision because i am so conflicted i cannot grasp the whole concept of what is going on..and erggggg..stupid messed up feelings..what's happened to me??

i'm lacking in confidence and scared of something that doesn't really exist..

Happy New Year!!

2006-01-01T20:41:00.000-05:00

here's to a brand new year..

-new start
-being independent
-only 4 months of school
-8 months of work
-my amazing friends
-my amazing family
-resolutions and goals

can i stay here forever..

2005-12-17T19:42:00.000-05:00

i know this is old..
but some things never change..
the lyrics fit perfectly..
i wanna stay right here right now forever..
like nothing i've ever wanted before..
you have no idea..

listening to the song made me realize just how much i want time to freeze. it's been an amazing day, amazing week, amazing month, amazing term..

the lyrics:

through forgotten convictions
misplaced affections
i've been chasign after emptiness
trying to tidy up this mess
i swear i've been down this road before

as these mountains of doubt, they fade away
so for me this is beautiful
a brand new thought and a brand new world

can i stay here forever..

i've lost sight of what first drew me
to the love that pursued me
the joy that inspired my song
the friendship that was all i knew
the arms that i would fall into
seem miles and years from where i am today
i gotta get back to where it all began

the basics: laundry and cooking

2005-12-10T19:18:00.000-05:00

i can't get the hang of cooking or laundry..i've set off the fire alarm numerous times this term by letting my eggs sit cuz the top wasn't cooked but then the bottom burnt to a crisp or melting plastic chopsticks by leaving them on a hot (but turned off) stove..

but it never occurred to me just how important it was to learn these essential skills until today..

i was in brantford visitng my landlord and she shows me around the house starting with the kitchen where i say that i don't cook..she gives me a weird look but continues..when we get to the laundry room, i say that i don't do laundry..she gives me a second weird look..

as i am leaving, she says she will try to make my first time away from home as easy as possible..and of course, i say "i haven't been living at home for over a year now"..and she exclaims "WHAT?? YOU DON'T LIVE AT HOME AND YOU CAN'T COOK OR DO LAUNDRY??" i laughed..

but now that i think about it..it's not that funny..she must think i am a completely incompetent person, overly sheltered by parents..and well am i??

NOOOOOOOO..and to prove that..i am gonna learn to cook and do laundry

i want...

2005-12-07T00:46:00.000-05:00

i want it back

i want to go home for christmas break and then make everything magically good when i come back (like back track to a year ago)

i do realize that i can't always have what i want..because after all, i do have an amazing job that i wanted oh-so-badly and the experience that shall come with it will also be amazing..

BUT

more than anything..i want to be here next term..here in the loo..being at school, surrounded by the people i love, not being by myself in a strange city, not being away from people for over a year..

you have no idea how much i envy the prospect of just being here

(spins in circle)

maybe it won't be so bad? i dunno, i'll count my blessings..(1...+...???)

what a week..

2005-12-01T13:33:00.001-05:00

-all the snow melted
=sadness

-fell asleep in class and my prof stopped class to wake me up
=most embarassing moment ever

-got silver nitrate on my hands
= permanently leaves black deposits on my hands

-superglued my hand to a paper
=hurt like hell

-saw a squirrel fall into a garbage bin
=made me laugh

-running into people i did not want to run into
=awkwardness

this week just sux

the affect of a name..

2005-11-15T21:00:00.000-05:00

names truly have a big affect on a person..for instance...

christine:
-it's my name don't wear it out..
-christine sounds very formal and "professional"
-i only introduce myself as christine to like an employer or professor person
-when i respond to christine, i feel the need to act mature and sophisticated
-however, people who have known me since grade school will most likely refer to me as christine..and in that case, it feels normal:D

chris:
-the name i prefer these days..
-it's more casual, fun, short and sweet
-and i think it suits me better than christine
-thingy is though, when someone who has referred to me as christine my entire life all of a sudden calls me chris, it is weird

chrissy:
-i do not like this name
-the only person who calls me this is my sister
-it is too prissy, preppy, ugly, girly
-it does not work..do not call me chrissy

hm..this blog was pointless..i just thought of it cuz someone who usually refers to me as one name called me the other..haha..so, who am i to you??

"it's not getting what you want..it's wanting what you've got.."

2005-11-13T12:23:00.000-05:00

i have the greatest friends and family in the whole world..they make me happy..i've always known this but this time around, i actually appreciate the fact that they are the greatest friends and family ever..this includes everyone from those who are around me 24/7 to those who whine and complain because i never see them to those who are miles away but call me up just to say hi..i heart you all..thank you for everything..

also for the first time in a long time i feel like everything fits together..it's like one giant puzzle and i've finally figured out how it's supposed to go..i like what i'm learning..last year and years before that i kinda felt like i was just learning for the sake of passing a class and obtaining that oh-so-prestigious BSc..but i've recently learned i enjoy my classes..and that may not seem so significant, but it's important to me that i no longer feel as if i'm wasting my time..cuz for once, what i'm supposed to do is something i love..

and so in a nutshell, i've learned that time fixes everything..for the past year i've kinda been in this little rut feeling as if it's never gonna get better and i'm wasting my time doing..tis was quite a confusing little period in time..but i've realized it just takes time to sort out things..it takes time to learn how to prioritize..it takes time to appreciate and want what you've got instead of just trying to get what you want..

so word of advice (even though i'm horrible with words)..when you feel as if everything is crashing down or that things are never gonna get better..THEY WILL..step by step, day by day..you're gonna make it some way..

the world as i see it..

2005-11-02T15:37:00.000-05:00

1.it's november..1/4 way done 2nd year..one more month of classes

2.work never ends..labs, midterms, assignments..

3.weather: crappy weather (including rain) does really get to me as much anymore..maybe i am growing out of that..haha..

4.life is about doing things becuz it feels rite to do them..and when they stop feeling rite, you stop doing them..

5.the more i think of it, the older i feel..this makes me want to be old..be grown up..things get better as time changes

**i feel like i should elaborate on the last 2 items..but i don't know what to say..that's just life

in need of inspiration

2005-10-23T01:02:00.000-04:00

1.my stress level is at an all time high...i feel like i am lost and hopeless..i need something to make me realize that it'll be ok..

2.when i actually pay attention in class, i realize i really do love chemistry..so i know i am in the rite direction..just need to focus

3.thinking about coop makes me happy..it's a little scary but it'll be a good experience even if it means moving to a brand new city all by myself..learning through experience is the best kind of learning

4.beneath all the stress, there is peace and happiness..i cherish the rare occasions when i am laughing and enjoying the moment

5.i want to give up..just want to quit school..i have no motivation anymore..

6.i am allowed to change my mind..just because i've wanted something for all my life doesn't mean i still have to want it..hence, i need to find something new to want: a new source of motivation and inspiration

learning about myself

2005-10-14T22:13:00.000-04:00

i like to think that i learn something new everyday..today especially was a very important learning day for me..

all week, i was preparing for coop interviews, studying for midterms, trying to not get stressed out..yet, it was still very stressful..

it's hard to stay focussed..this week procrastination showed me a lesson..getting 2 hours of sleep the nite b4 an exam really does that trick..

with each new interview, i learned something i was good at, what i need to work on and what i truly want and like doing..

today, i was asked what my philosophy of life was..and i replied with my favourite quote (the purpose of life is a life of purpose)..

after classes today, i went to my usually shift at the pharmacy..and omg..and somehow I had become so advanced that i was given quite a few difficult tasks..it might not seem like much, but i felt completely independent and felt like i was finally doing something that truly mattered..why can't i just be a pharmacist and skip all the school crap?

so what else did i learn? i learned that everything takes time..you need to be prepared for things..and if you want something enough and you put all your heart and soul into it, you usually get it..

but more importantly, the most brilliant thing i learned this week was that you get what you deserve..so many things went screwy this week..and when i think about it, there were justifiable reasons..but today, something amazing happened..karma!

little side note:
-do you believe in karma?
-well today more than any other time in my life, i am a true believer
-my defintion is that good comes to those who are good
-but everytime you purposely screw up or commit a wrong, it will come right back and bite you in the ass..
-my proof: i don't have any, i just believe it cuz i do
-in conclusion, everything happens for reason

where my heart's at..

2005-10-09T22:08:00.000-04:00

ever wonder why it's so easy to get mad at the ones you love? or how easy it is to just blow them off? or why you always have the tendency to shout and scream to them about everything that is wrong with your life?

well, when you get angry or upset with someone you love, you know they'll always forgive you..

that's why it's ever-so-easy to treat those you love without the same respect you would a stranger..you can be rude, obnoxious and even hateful to those you care most about..yet you rarely feel any sort of guilt or regret nor do you ever think about it..and why?

it's cuz you know to some extent it's ok..you know they care and will always care..

but now that i'm thinking about it..i do feel a little guilty..guilty that i don't treat my family with the utmost respect that i should for sometimes i fear they don't realize i love them as much as i do..or guilty that i'm insensitive or uncaring to the greatest of my friends..

my list could probably go on..but sometimes when i do things..it just feels that my head isn't entirely there

**karma always catches up wtih you

something intelligent

2005-10-04T02:04:00.000-04:00

i'm trying to think of something intelligent to say but can't..probably because i haven't really been thinking about much these days..it seems like the focus of my world is school..and yes, i do suppose that is a good thing..but there is also something missing..like the thing i used to call life..

i need something to exercise my brain..like school isn't enough eh..well..yes, school is a form of exercising my brain..but it is only exercising the chemistry/biology/philosophy side..what about the whole other side that consists of intelligent thinking..

i think i've lost the ability to think intelligently..does that make sense? probably not..i actually think i've lost the ability to do lots of things..i.e. write blogs that make sense or have some relatively important point..

and i think i have gained some weird ability to talk to myself and rationalize crazy things..hmm..weird what things make you do..

ok..well that's all i have to say

first day of second week..

2005-09-20T03:45:00.000-04:00

i can feel the stress..school has officially started without the ease of frosh week to get used to everything..oh how i miss frosh week soooo much..we're in second year now..sounds so much better eh? not really..

it feels like there is so much to be done..why i have time to blog, i have no idea..it's a form of stress relief..and if not, then that's my excuse til i find a better one..then again

hm..so what else is up?? i love my appartment..it's absolutely beautiful..my room is wonderful..campus is a ten minute walk..plaza's right there..got tennis courts and park rite behind..it's one of the few perks of the new year..

my new found comfort food has been chipits butterscotch chips..they are absolutely the most heavenly taste in the world..they just melt in your mouth..mmmmhhhhh...i will be the first to admit "i can't cook"..but i'm learning..last week maril had to stop me because i was gonna throw frozen chicken onto the frying pan..how was i supposed to know you have to defrost it first???

i am happy..it's good to be happy.."happy people don't kill their husbands"..(legally blonde 1 quote NOT 2 AS POINTED OUT BY SEVERAL PEOPLE)..so it is good to be happy

i haven't gone crazy..or i guess i should say i haven't gone crazier if your opinion of me was already crazy..but either way..i figure you gotta have some fun or you will just end up going crazy without wanting to..

ok..enough of this..need to start some work..

**hm stressed, happy and crazed don't seem like the right words..so how about letting me know if you find a word that sums that up real nice..hehe..

ThE nEw PiNk...YeLLoW

2005-08-29T15:09:00.000-04:00

talk about a change eh..haha..this title actually fits the blog very well..continue reading..

life is all about changing..i've decided that i like growing up..even though at times, i admit, i'd rather just go back to being 7 without a care in the world

but being grown up means i can do so much more..it means i can make my own decisions, have power and influence over youngsters, drive wherever i wanna go, go to school and learn what i wanna learn and then of course..being older means you can complain and say you wanna be young again..

but think about it..do you really actually want to be 7 again? this was the time that your parents had total control over you..you had to come home straight from school, ask permission to see a movie, be forced to eat what you thought was yucky and find rides for everywhere you wanna go..

now reverting back to the title..about 40% of clothing attire that i have recent bought has been yellow instead of the normal pink..so my mom says to me "you must be growing up"..she laughed while i realized she was right..

i can't really say now is the time to grow up cuz whether you want to admit it or not..you already are growing up every single minute of the day..and if you can't see it..ask me and i'll tell you that you're growing up in front of my very eyes

a look inside my head..

2005-08-26T20:01:00.000-04:00

10 more days til i'm heading back..

craving: a yummy real-fruit popsicle
feeling: exhausted and won't be catching up on sleep next week
hating: that summer is ending and i hafta go back to school
learning: how to pack more efficiently
loving: that i am 19..and that i get to see people again very soon
missing: the feeling of being free
packing: all my stuff away..i'm half way done
thinking: how i can possible bring everything with me
waiting: for winter to come..haha
wishing: the summer was a bit longer
wondering: why i put lemon juice in my hair

Oh how i love the stars...

2005-08-20T14:54:00.000-04:00

i woke up at 6:30 this morning..aaaahhhhh..i have been having sleeping problems and i can't sleep in when i want to..but when i need to wake up early, it's excruciatingly hard..

2 more days of work..i'm kinda sad to be leaving them..had some of the funniest, boringest and weirdest times of my summer there..who would've thought i'd be a good trailer salesperson??

i got my bottle of chocolate liquor..yum yum..have yet to try it..also, can't forget about the round of jello shooters we have yet to make..hehe

going to the beach one last time this week..crossing my fingers the weather will co-operate..

then coming home to pack once again..but the bonus thing is back to school shopping which can range from clothes to shoes to junk to anything..

then..i shall be moving into my newly renovated apartment which i am absolute crazed about..hehe..

fact: the title of the blog has nothing to do with the blog but someone mentioned that my titles sucked..so hope this one is better

August

2005-08-11T14:47:00.000-04:00

camping: good..love being outside..air and beach and everything is so refreshing

birthday: lots of fun..fun dinner and party..i am a little obsessed with finding that bottle of chocolate gin now..soooo yummy..

presents: i got a webcam and usb key and a toaster!!! honourable mentions also include my helium balloons and koolaid

work: boring..there are only so many calls you can make before you never want to touch another phone again..but money is good..

school: mom made me start organizing things to pack..haha..that should be fun..i am excited to go back though..

fact: i do not own a hair dryer..nor do i always use conditioner..my hair is always naturally soft..haha

that's all for now

July 31st 1986

2005-07-31T14:45:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to Me!!

"growing up"

2005-07-26T15:35:00.000-04:00

Well, where on earth have i been? hm..just a little busy i guess..and i suppose you could say i'm "growing up"

i quit my job yesterday..hm..i applied for a leave of absense for when i was at school and they said no..they asked how long i would like to stay for then..and i said i don't want to stay anymore..so i quit right then and there..i have never done anything like that before

my other job has gotten me thinking..i really like this side of a business life that i have found..the money is great, the job is easy..but one thing for certain is that i could never have a boxed in cubicle career when i "grow up"..8 hours a day 5 days a week for a summer makes me sure science is my preference over business..maybe i will just marry rich..hehe

i also think i that i will have more than one career path when i "grow up"..i would love to be in political science or psychology or marketing..i love change

i think i love change a little too much..almost to the point where some would say i have some commitment issues..well, i guess i am slowly learning how to deal with that..

in the mean time, what can i say? things are meant to be tried..so go ahead, give it a try..cuz how can you say you like chicken best when you've never tried pork or beef or lamb or fish??

haha..5 days til my "365 days left as a teen" count-down begins..

**growing up

Update

2005-07-16T03:59:00.000-04:00

i had a blackout today..power was out for 2 hours..it was fun..i love blackouts..

i hate my job..stupid people annoy me..why i put up? i have no idea..they stupidly keep scheduling me to close..next week, i have 4 closing shifts..

my other job is fine..a quiet office where i can basically do whatever i want and go online any time and take mini breaks

hm..so what else is new with me?

i am better..better than what? i dunno..i am just better than what i have been lately..

it's about two weeks til my birthday..how exciting eh? hm, actually i'm not even sure i'm looking forward to it..

this month so far has been very nostalgic for me..lots of good memories creeping up..talking to my south A-girlies makes me miss them more than ever..miss the frosh experience and being excited for school..

i miss the good old guelph times we used to have..

i also flew to chatham to visit a friend..it was lots of fun..again, more good memories..

a part of me always feels like i'm living in the past you know? why is it so hard to let go?

maybe it's because everyone is always a little nervous and afraid of the future because you don't know what will happen..but with the past, things ended up well so we cling on to it..i dunno, it's just a thought..

**sentimental

a little lost..

2005-07-06T18:35:00.000-04:00

if i thought i was lost back in february..that was nothing..

things that used to make sense don't have logic anymore

people i relied on simply just aren't what they used to be

i know more than anything it's my fault more than their's

i wish sometimes they knew how i felt

or just took the time to show they care

it throws me for a loop and has me wondering

this summer has been the hardest i've yet experienced

more failures than successes and lots of confusion

i've lost a part of me i wish i still had

and i don't know how to get it back

my inspiration and inner strength has become weakened

my thoughts and, dare i say, dreams are conflicted

i feel like i've been thrown into a new world

a world with different rules and expectations

a life i don't entirely want to live

with my shattered thoughts and desperate need for direction

it's too hard to think about the future

but it's even harder to live through the present

the courage i once had needs to come back

so where does that leave me now??

i don't know

**lost

so what now??

2005-07-04T17:01:00.000-04:00

i heard back from U of T

**thinking

See..Feel..Love..

2005-06-23T04:02:00.000-04:00

can you SEE something that isn't actually there??
yes you can..it's called love

can you FEEL something that isn't actually there??
yes you can..it's also called love

can you LOVE something that isn't actually there??
well..that depends..it's hard to love something you can't SEE or FEEL but it's easy to love something when you believe it is actually there

Conflicted..

2005-06-20T03:31:00.000-04:00

what happens when you know you want something really really really really bad but you know that if you get it, you're also gonna be really really really really sad?

2 choices will come with this thing that you want..but both can make you happy and both can make you sad..

do you still wish for it?

**waiting

blue glass dolphins..

2005-06-11T13:25:00.000-04:00

ok, this is a funny story..i have a collection of blue glass dolphins..dolphins are not my favourite animals nor do i have much of a liking for them, but i collect them..

it started out when i was little and at my uncles house up north..and he had this blue glass dolphin pendulum thing that spins..and i really liked it, so he gave it to me..

then a few years back, my friend went to wales and brought me back a blue glass dolphin with 3 dolphins on it..it was gorgeous..and i guess that's when the collection really started..

for my birthday a couple years ago, i was given a set of blue dolphin chimes..these are soooo nice..

and so from this and a couple of other blue glass dolphin artifacts, people have thought that i have an obsession for blue glass dolphins..hehe..anyway, the point was just to say that i didn't intentionally start my blue glass dolphin collection..

and now wherever i go on vacation or something, i find myself looking for blue glass dolphin stuff..so if you're ever in doubt about what to get me as a present, look for blue glass dolphin stuff cuz that'll always be appreciated..hehe

i like blue glass dolphins

**happy

the world through different eyes

2005-06-06T00:25:00.000-04:00

i've totally been living a different life these days..everything from work, school, social life and family life has changed..

went from having tons of free time, to working various jobs constantly..which i love by the way..also volunteering is tons of fun..(the boys are just an added bonus)..and i have money i can spend without feeling guilty..

went from 6 full courses to just linear algebra and inorganic chem to not studying anything at all..which is ok i guess..i'm enjoying it while it lasts..

ah..the social stuff..definitely say there's been a change in scenery..but i love being with people..so it has been excellent..and for those i haven't seen in a while..i miss you like crazy..

family has just been hectic..i dont' think i've seen my members of the extended family so often in forever..and talking to Chau lots too..it's been stressful..but good

yep..so i am gonna enjoy this life while i still have it..cuz in less then 3 months..it's gonna be a whole new life..

**smiles

the drawbacks of a union

2005-06-06T00:00:00.000-04:00

I have recently begun working for a union..

this union is crazy..for one thing..on every packcheck, there is a union fee of $15.40..which is equivalent to 2 full hours of work..so basically for every week, i work 2 hours for FREE..sheesh..if that isn't enough, the union makes me pay for my uniform which is about $60..so my first paycheck i earned $69.73..however $44.50 was deposited into my account..

ok..maybe i'm just ranting..haha..

ThE eNgAgEmEnT

2005-05-30T13:38:00.000-04:00

this weekend was my sister's engagement party..being the maid of honour, i was obligated to say a little something for them..so here's how it went..(it's actually very long so i took out some boring parts)

As you all know, today is the engagement party also known as a traditional vietnamese Dam Hoi. So first off, i'd like to say a little congrats to Jason and Chau. Congratulations on the commitment, love, passion and life you have shared with each other.

A dam hoi is more than anything a traditional custom rather than anything religious. It is a chance for members of the extended family to be introduced and acquainted. It is also the formal announcement from the groom and bride to be that they have officially decided on a date for the ceremony and reception...

...So today you are gathered with anyone who shares the love you do for Jason and Chau. A group of people, practically strangers, all united because they have one thing in common...

...And as most of you know, Chau and I are quite far apart in age. So growing up she was more of a role model, mentor, older sister kind of figure for me. But lately, and i guess i mean within the last few years, i've felt like i've truly made a new best friend. Maybe it's just been because i've grown up a bit, but she and i have become really close the last few years. We've been able to share a bond i've never felt with anyone before...And I have never seen her more happy than when she is with Jason.

I can remember meeting jason for the first time. It was when he and Chau had biked from waterloo to guelph. And i was like wow, that must've been a pretty long bike ride. But then Jason tells me he's biked from waterloo to orillia before. and i was like whoa, that is pretty crazy cuz orillia is a 3 hour drive from waterloo. crazyness really is all it is. but crazy in a good way of course...

...So from the bottom of my heart, welcome to the family Jason and congratulations once again to Jason and Chau.

So that was it..over a crowd of 50 people with their eyes glued on me for 5 mins that seemed like forever..but it went well..(no rain)..and i didn't screw up too much..and so now i have a year to write another amazing speech to go..wish me..luck

and the new stresses of my life..

2005-05-24T17:15:00.000-04:00

on thursday at 10pm-ish i decide i wanna drop inorganic chem..i log into quest and it tells me i can't cuz it will be under the minimum unit requirements..and so i start freaking out cuz the deadline to drop courses without them showing up on your transcript and refund was friday..so i send them an email and contemplate droping by the DE office tomorrow morning at the advice of a good friend (thank you so much raj)..and after spending the next few hours frustrated, i tried to sleep..then i called them early friday morning and they told me they would sort it out and everything would be fine..huge relief!
lesson#1: don't wait til last minute to do things

i had an interview scheduled for this receptionist position on friday but it was cancelled for some reason..boo..cuz i wanted the job, it had sweet hours and not difficult work..and then she calls me friday for another job position and calls back an hour later to tell me it was cancelled..so then to make matters worse my dad decides it'd be funny to scare me a bit and tell me she's a scamming company who has my SI number..and although it was just supposed to be a joke..my brain is filled with paranoia..
lesson #2: don't give out your SI number til you know you have a job

my sister flew home friday nite and arrived at the house at 3am in the morning..fun..hm..the next few days were mostly spent with the family planning the wedding and engagement party next weekend..this engagement party is turning out to be one of the biggest events i have ever planned..it's ridiculous, but i guess it's good that she is here to take over..
lesson #3:never argue with an overly tired, cranky, control freak female

work is ok..it's a typical part-time job so you could imagine my enthousiam towards it..but it keeps me busy and happy..
lesson #4: find something that makes you happy to do

so things are going well..kinda all of a sudden super busy, but nevertheless good..

what's up with me..

2005-05-17T14:54:00.000-04:00

1. i have a job..part time work in retail at the local grocery/super store..it's been good..gives me something to do and a sense of being useful..

2. got in a habit of sleeping really late and waking up really late..it's quite bad and screws me up a lot..

3. found myself in a major discrepancy this week..two equally opinionate and stubborn people and neither of us willing to be the first to admit we're wrong..and where to go from here..that's a tricky question..

4. i hate this stupid weather..it is cold, windy, rainy, cloudy, and just plain yucky..it is may..it's supposed to be warm, sunny, and nice..

5. my sister is a control freak..her engagement party is next weekend and she wants everything to be perfect..however she is about 2500 miles away and that makes it hard to plan..so guess who gets to do all the planning..hm..i am not the greatest planner..i don't look into detail all that much..and my opinions are very different from hers..so in a nutshell, this engagement party is really stressing me out..i am trying to do it the way she wants but it is hard..and in the end all i get is her stressing out on me, telling me i did it wrong..erg..and i don't know what to do because obviously i am not her..and i don't know exactly what she wants..

6. i miss my friends..and this time i'm talking about guelph people too..everyone has different work/sleep/free time schedules..and besides the people i regularly see and hang out with, i miss the others..and not that i even have to mention, but i miss my waterloo friends wherever they are now..

7. i don't really have a 7th item but i always like ending on a happy note..so i will just say for now it's about 2 months and 14 days til my birthday..hehe..

how valuable is time?

2005-05-12T20:19:00.000-04:00

i used to think time was so precious..and if only i could spare that extra bit of time, it would be great..but now it's as if i have an excess amount of it, and i'm just so sick of it..

what have i been doing with my precious time? well this week i continued my job hunt (with not much luck), went to toronto (mostly for shopping and visiting purposes), went to the courts a couple of times (tennis), hung out with people, taught myself some organic chemistry and cleaned (i've been cleaning forever and it seems to be getting more and more messy)..

so not that i've been wasting my time, cuz in a sense i'm just making use of it..it feels like it could be used doing otherwise and i'm taking for granted all the time i have now..

hm..i don't know..

job hunting

2005-05-10T01:43:00.000-04:00

those two words are the most frustrating words in the whole to me right now..

earlier this weekend i was complaining to my parents that i didn't have a job..my dad's first words to me were that jobs don't grow on trees and if you want something to happen, you hafta do it yourself..so i was like, ok just hafta go out and apply to more places and actually be a little more determined to find a job..then my mom goes you're gonna hafta be a lot less picky too..and after they both laughed my dad asked me what kind of job am i looking for..and i said i want a job that is during the day, not repetitive and boring, not in fast food or a factory, fun, pays well and something i like doing..

and this time they both looked at me as if i was crazy..

errrrggg..i'm not really crazy in this sense, i just want a good job..but after 2 weeks of job searching, i'm beginning to think i DO need to be less picky..could be hard thing to do..we'll see how it goes..

Positive Outlook..

2005-05-06T21:06:00.000-04:00

NOT lost in a mindgame called life..that's my new motto rite?

haha..well i'm slowly deciphering how life works and what's to become of everything..and in some ways it's been lots of fun..

someone once told me that somehow someway life always has it's quirky way of working out..and that's really one of the true things that have always inspired me..like sometimes you just don't have full confidence in the things you do..and you're like but what if it doesn't work out or what if you screw it up..but really, it was probably just meant to not work out or you were just meant to screw it up..because that's how life works..there's no real way..and it takes you on quite the journey to figure it out..but that's what experiences are..and in the end, somehow someway life always has it's quirky way of working out..

and with that note..i'm realizing i don't have to have an answer for everything..and i don't have to fully understand it..i just have to live it and have a purpose for what i do..even if that purpose is just to find out if it's right or not..it's a purpose:P

oh..happy happy happy

2005-05-03T13:54:00.000-04:00

i love it when good news comes or happy things arrive..

hm..marks are up..and surprisingly enough, they are beautiful..so all that cramming and stress for exams must've been worth it cuz i'm loving the results..

laptop is now fixed and wonderful..no more stupid msn virus or slowness..yay for technology..and rogers technical help..

going to waterloo this thursday..mostly running errands..but should have time for quick visit..don't worry, i'll come for a proper visit soon..

decided to drop linear algebra and just stick with inorganic chem this summer..figure i deserve some fun and relaxation time after 8 long months of school..

now if only i could find a job..then nothing could make me any happpier..

i just wanna be..

2005-04-29T13:50:00.000-04:00

been wishing i could be in multiple places at once..and not just the ordinary two places at once..it feels like four or five places..

i wanna be were i am now..at home..in guelph..with my family and old friends..it's been nice and i like it..

i wanna be back where i was..at my second home..in waterloo..with my new friends and that independent environment..

i wanna be in BC..wedding dress shopping..or in the ocean..or up in the mountains..or just walking around in the beautiful cities..

i wanna be on the moon..somewhere far away..just to be by myself..have some peace and quiet and not worry about anything..

then again i'm old enough to know i can't always have what i want rite? but i suppose i can always dream..

so useless..to some extent

2005-04-27T22:46:00.000-04:00

i've never been so bored and useless in my life..it's been amazing being back at home..i love it..but needless to say, i need something to do..been trying to find a job..but not much luck..so i've been resorting to the mall..however the guilt of spending money i don't have to spend is piling up..

and then when i sit..(something i've been waiting to do..just sit)..i think about being back in waterloo..being able to walk into the hall at 1am..being able to do whatever i wanted whenever i wanted..and i realized just how much i missed it..and how much i missed the ppl..

and yet, when i was there..i was looking forward to being home so much..wanted to get away from waterloo..but now, it's quite the opposite..makes me think about where i can be happy..and if happiness can really exist..

cuz forever is just a word..

2005-04-24T20:50:00.000-04:00

and today is a whole new day..a whole new world..

thursday nite was soooo much fun..finally hanging out with all the girls..playing hide-n-seek at the PAS, trespassing into the daycare centre, running around, pictures, sleepover in the lounge..lots of fun..

the depressing part came friday morning..each and every individual goodbye was so sad..and wanna guess who was the first to cry?? hm..me!! i know, the one who never cries..the one who apparently shows no real emotion..well, lets say this time it was different..this time it was just that i was leaving..leaving and never coming back..like it wasn't the goodbye..i'm gonna see each and every one of those girls again..

and now i'm back in the g-town..it's been good hanging out with the old crew again..but still feels like i'm going back to waterloo soon..hm..miss you guys lots..

so i'm thinking..next weekend, i'll hafta make a trip back there..hafta pick up some texts and sell some others, tie up some odds and ends..and of course..visit some ppl i haven't seen in quite some time..we'll see how things work..

and so..haven't really unpacked anything..that just makes reality so much "realer"..so i guess i should do that..gotta face it some time..

and what now..

2005-04-21T07:52:00.000-04:00

well..first year as i know it is almost officially over..the feeling should be great and yet it feels so grim..

so the end of a beginning is here and another beginning of an end approaches..

cherish the days and even the seconds because within 100000secs, we'll be gone..no more next door floormates, not more roommate, no more end of the hall floormates, no more other hall floormates..so what's left?

friendships..and friends that will last a life time..memories that will be cherished and remembered forever..

Moving forward..

2005-04-18T03:11:00.000-04:00

i am often wondering where i will be in the future..but more importantly, i'm wondering about who will be in my life in the future..sometimes it's so clear as to who will remain significant evident from their effort to remain significant..and other times it's not..

oh well..moving forward is just something you hafta do..

i can count the days on one hand..give it two more days and it'll really sink in..first year will be officially over..

prospects for may?
1.relax
2.find job
3.unpack
4.algebra and inorganic chem
5.engagement party

leaving a place called home for 8 months..returning to a place called home for over 18 years..should be easy rite?

Buses and Being in Guelph

2005-04-15T15:38:00.000-04:00

went home wednesday afternoon..tried studying at home for a while when i was like "i'm getting nothing done..wish i were in waterloo at the library"..so i thought to myself, wait, there's a perfectly good university in this city..

and so i decided to try studying at the unversity of guelph..was gonna drive when i realized, like waterloo..guelph has no parking..so i decided to take the good old bus which i hadn't taken for a good 7 months..

as always, the bus from my house was late..but as i got on, asked for a transfer, everything came back to me..the familiar route and everything..i noticed some of the "regulars" who used to take the bus back in the day when i would take the bus to school everyday..it was like old times again..so i started reading some of the ads on the side of the bus..very different from what they used to be..then read the prices and boy have those risen..

so as the bus stopped downtown in the square for transferring, i realized i didn't know where the U of G bus stopped..seeing as the square had four corners, and i knew it wasn't at 2 of the corners, so i took a guess and by my luck, i was wrong..so then after waiting for all the traffic to stop, i crossed the street and waited for the U of G express bus..as i got on the bus, the bus driver didn't even check tickets or transfers (probably knowing anyone getting on the bus would be a U of G student)

so i got on and rode the bus to the university..now the U of G is one of the most confusing campus's ever..main city streets run through it while every other building is not a university building..so i was confused at where to get off first..so i just sat there til i got to a familar building which ended up being the Univeristy Centre also known as the UC as opposed to my oh so familiar SLC..so i got off and followed directions from a friend to get to the library..which is where i am currently situated typing this and not studying..

so besides all the blabbing, the moral of my story..as nice and comforting of a feeling it was knowing not everything had changed in my hometown of guelph..i really like having a second home in waterloo..and although this whole bus taking trip was quite a memorable experience, i'm still not planning to use guelph's public transportation to it's fullest..

Favourite People..

2005-04-13T17:28:00.000-04:00

everyone has favourite people..although this sounds like a totally dumb statement and it makes me sound extremely shallow and bias, you know you have them too..

"favourite people" are those who you love talking to..whether in person, msn, or on the phone..you can talk to them about anything from random stuff to the stuff that really matters..it's those people you have a special connection with..these people aren't necessarily your closest friends or those who mean a lot to you so perhaps i shouldn't call them "favourite people" and just say they are favourite people to talk to..

but i love these people..i am always looking forward to talking to these people..and there are very few who fit into this category..so besides the people who i've autally told are my favourite people and i'm almost certain the others know who they are..these people important and play key roles in my life..so here's a thank you for being one of my favourite people

*if you're reading this and this makes no sense what-so-ever, ignore it..chances are it doesn't make any sense and i'm just rambling about nothing*

It's a wonder..

2005-04-10T05:37:00.000-04:00

how you can be surrounded by people all the time and still feel so isolated..

this is more or less an old saying, but i've never fully experienced it til now..

reflecting on the past few months, i guess it's my fault more then anyones..but to always be around the same people proposes some small problems for me..and sometimes i just wanted get away..and yet, when i did get away, i couldn't help but have that feeling of being "left-out" or "out of the loop" with those i got away from..and yes this is probably a contradictory statement..but like the original line "isolation when surrounded by people," i've learned that it's possible to desperately want to separate yourself from people yet want to be with them so bad at the same time..

and at those moments in time, you feel stuck..and you don't know what to do..so the question is would you rather be trapped and frustrated or isolated and free?

*sum 41-pieces*

Purpose of A Blog

2005-04-07T04:05:00.000-04:00

So i was asked the other day why i keep a blog..the person said to me, "it's like keeping an online journal"..and my response was, "well, that's IS the reason why i blog..it's to keep an online journal"..and they said "but everyone will know what you're thinking"..and i was like, "well, duh"

the reason one blogs is to express their thoughts and feelings..to write things you don't usually say in day to day conversations..it's an online journal because you're writing about details of your life or what you're feeling..and of course, you wouldn't write things you didn't want people to know about..so it's personal, but not too personal..

another reason to blog is to keep others up to date with your life..people whom you don't have time to talk to a lot or people who you don't see a lot..

and i suppose the purpose of keeping a blog is also just for fun in a sense but it does have it's real purposes..agreed?

Growing Up..

2005-04-04T05:18:00.000-04:00

recent events have really got me thinking how much we've all grown up..even though we might now realize it, we really have..

7 months ago, it was september..although that is not a very significant amount of time, i can tell you that i've grown up more during the 7 months then i think i've grown up during all 4 years of high school..more then in the sense of just mentally and physically grown up which i know that anyone living away from home feels..it's growing up and coming to the realization of just how grown up you really are..and with this context, age really means nothing because my 13 year old cousin is probably a lot "older" then some of my friends..

next year, most of us, if not already, will be 20..now thats a bit of a scary thought..it's like you're offically all grown up and no longer a kid..especially now that first year is over, you look back and wonder how you got this far..and the answer to that is that you've grown up..grown up and moved ahead in life..decided what you wanted to do and made it happen..

and now the future lies ahead of you..you can do anything you choose to do..be the person you've always wanted to be..and with all that you will grow and learn and live life..

life's what you make it

Special Things

2005-03-31T14:10:00.000-05:00

everyone needs a special dream..something that keeps them going when everything seems to suck..when the world just isn't right, this thing keeps encouraging you to try..it's that thing that you want sooooo bad that it makes you want to try harder and not give up..it's that thing that inspires you..it's your goal in life..the thing that makes life worth living for..

everyone needs someone(s) special..someone who will always be there for you..someone who will go out of there way to make you happy..the person who always tries to make you laugh..someone who always makes you want to smile when you are sad..the person who listens without judging..the person who loves you no matter what you've done..the person or persons that make life worth living for..

everyone needs a special place..a place you can go when you need to be alone..a place you can run to..it can be that place you've always wanted to go to..somewhere that keeps you sane and makes you realize how lucky you are..a place that always makes you happy..it's the place that you know will always be open to you..the place that makes life worth living for..

happiness, my sisters, home
this actually says something..(i.e.the special things for me)

Precious Moments

2005-03-30T19:50:00.000-05:00

i've had some incredibly precious moments lately..moments with people who have really touched my life..meanful conversations with people i know really care..inspirational and encouraging moments..they are the type of moments that you just kinda think about after and know you have to cherish them..the moments that you know will never occur again..the moments that make you realize just how special everything is..

i love those moments..

Time

2005-03-27T15:46:00.000-05:00

sometimes you don't realize how much time has passed..like i'm only persay 18 years old and i've done so much in life that i didn't realize..(not saying i haven't got more then half my life to live), but like, i've been to 4 different schools within 14 years, met some awesome people, visited some amazing places, learned some incredible stuff..and so much more..it just astonishes me how much time has passed to allow me to do all these things..so i guess when they say time flies when you're having fun, it's actually true..

on the other hand, sometimes you don't realize how little time has passed..for instance, i feel like i've known the people i met in september for a really long time when it's actually only been like 7 months..i also feel like i've been at university since forever ago, but it's just been 7 months too..and it feels like ages ago that i was living at home..but that too was a mere 7 months back..its a strange feeling when you look back and realize how much things have changed in so very little time..

so i guess you could say that time is relative..haha..(it's a physics thing if you have no idea what i'm talking about..yah, i'm a bit of a nerd)..depending on what part of your life you're at, it's just amazing what time can do..

questions and answers

2005-03-23T04:37:00.000-05:00

sometimes questions are best left unanswered..like sometimes its ok to not know what you're doing or where you're going..

but if you're anything like me, you like certainty and direction in your life..but i guess things have taught me that you can't always plan things out and stick to that plan..situations will arise where you have to improvise a little..

so i find that sometimes it's better to just leave things unplanned..i'm not saying wing everything..just saying that you don't have to have all the answers to the questions you ask yourself or the questions people ask you..

it's ok to be indefinite and it's ok to leave life undetermined..

now, how convincing are those words cuz i should be taking my own advice..

So i'm thinking..

2005-03-20T18:06:00.000-05:00

hmm..it's been a pretty good last few days..realized that sometimes you just need to get away for a bit..change of scenery..change of faces..change of the old routines..

it's amazing how fast things can pass you by and you don't realize it til soon after..take this term for example..i know i keep stressing how different it is..but it's gone by so riduculously fast..i feel like i was in BC for christmas just last week..crazy..

and well..i'm thinking about what the summer will be like..it's hard to anticipate what it'll be like to go back to a life and place you once dreaded to leave...and come fall, the challenge of leaving home again arises but i guess we'll be coming back to our "other life" so it'll be easier..

i often wonder how the little changes affect the big ones..do they?

Title-less

2005-03-18T04:27:00.000-05:00

I really have nothing exciting to say...lots on my mind...slowly trying to decipher things in my head and make sense of the world...i'm sad winter's almost over...sad this term is almost over...although i can't wait til summer...moving back home will be interesting...leaving the place i've called home for the past 7 months will be weird...

**Chris

Social Interactions-learning to talk to people

2005-03-15T13:56:00.000-05:00

i've been so wrapped up in my own problems lately that i've barely given a single thought about anything or anyone else..and for that i'm sorry..but sometimes i find it hard to read people..like i don't really know how they are feeling because they hide it well or i can't tell when something is wrong..then again, i look at myself and i realize those who are most close to me barely know the beginnings of how i'm feeling sometimes..we just assume others will notice that we are upset or sad..

so maybe we could all just take a couple mintues to talk amongst ourselves..share your feelings with others and extress yourself..listen to others..take an extra second when you're talking to someone and really ask how they are..not just the casual what's up..but if you do, maybe follow up on a question or two..tune into the thoughts of others.. but i know that when everyone has their own things to worry about, that's hard to do..

then on the other hand, some people (i suppose including myself) find it hard to just tell some random person or even an acquaitance how i feel..so i can understand the difficulty in confiding in someone your person thoughts and problems..so i don't know if there is any real solution to this..it's just something i've been thinking about..

Life is like a puzzle

2005-03-15T00:50:00.000-05:00

sometimes i feel like screaming..screaming because nothing makes sense to me anymore..the pieces of my life don't fit together like they once did..and there are a whole bunch of missing pieces..and i know eventually, time will let me find them..but the process is draining me...just hanging on is so hard..especially when i can't see the whole completed puzzle..

Dana Glover:
And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose

Lifehouse:
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started

BSB:
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could

Ashlee Simpson:
Fall
Sometimes I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath

Westlife:
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is reach out your hands
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cuz I'd already know

can't say it any better..if these lyrics were the pieces to one big puzzle, that puzzle would describe how i'm feeling..

Smiles and Funniness

2005-03-12T14:32:00.000-05:00

So lately, i've been in a bit of a depressing mood..but this week when someone told me i was funny, it really brightened my day..I love being told that i'm funny...that probably sounds crazy, but i love it..it always makes me smile...

being funny isn't really something i intentionally try to do..because honestly if i did try to be funny, it would just come out messed up and make me look like an idiot..

i like seeing people happy or laughing, so when i'm the source of that happiness or laugher, it makes me happy:P

but now that i've said this, i'm gonna have people randomly telling i'm funny..but it's not the case where i like it everytime someones says i'm funny..it has to be in the right context..like i've actually said something thats funny or done something funny..cuz if i'm trying to be serious and you tell me i'm funny..that could be a potential problem..hehe

anyhow, that's all i really wanted to say

*smiles*funnies*me*special*

Strength

2005-03-08T18:14:00.000-05:00

Defintion of strength
i)The state, property, or quality of being strong
ii)The power to resist attack
iii)The power to resist strain or stress; durability
iv)The ability to maintain a moral or intellectual position firmly
v)Capacity or potential for effective action

Uses of strength
i)To reach your goals
ii)To be the person you want to be
iii)To be there for the ones you love
iv)To move on and get over something
v)To live

Sometimes all it takes is a little strength..

I'm wishing i had a little more strength these days..strength to deal with everything..sometimes it really feels like i can't turn to anyone..everyone seems too busy or they just don't notice when somethings wrong

I need the strength to figure out life..strength to determine and accomplish my goals..strength to be more independent..strength to create myself (because life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself)..strength to move on from the past..and strength to get through the next few unpredictable months..and strength just to live

Sources of strength
i)Family
ii)Friends-??
iii)Myself

ThEmEsOnG

2005-03-06T23:31:00.000-05:00

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk alone..I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Do YoU eVeR FeEl?

2005-03-03T01:53:00.000-05:00

do you ever feel like the whole world is changing and you're not?
do you ever feel like the people around you don't really care about you?
do you ever feel no matter how hard you try, you just can't do something?
do you ever feel people who are furthest away from you care the most?
do you ever feel sometimes the things you do are so useless?
do you ever feel like getting away from everything you've ever known?
do you ever feel that no one would notice if you weren't there?
do you ever feel like making a new group of friends who don't know you?
do you ever feel you've lost yourself and can't seem to find you again?
do you ever feel confused about the future and what you want to do?
do you ever feel that everything just sux and there's nothing you can do?
do you ever feel sometimes you're scared of the littlest things in life?
do you ever feel so sick and tired of life itself?

well, i do...

My thoughts

2005-03-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

I dont' know if it's just me, but it seems as though the more time i spend with people, the more i miss them when i'm not with them, but the more i see people on a regular basis, the more i feel like i'm drifting away from them...i know that sounds incredibly confusing so allow me to enlighten and elaborate..

Last term i barely went back to guelph..probably a total of 4 times over the whole semester..and yet, i could deal with that..being away from my family just seemed like a normal high school to university transition step..and being away from friends was ok too because we were all moving on..but this term, i've been home just about every other weekend..and when i come back to waterloo, i'm wishing i was still in guelph..and i miss being with family and friends back home so much..i don't know why..but it's a lot harder to be away this term..and the more time i spend with them, the more i miss them when i'm gone

Now for the other bit..in waterloo, the more i see friends on a regular basis, the more i feel i'm drifting away from them..and it's a little depressing in some ways..although i see everyone like everyday, i feel like we've lost our connection and the friendship has moved to an acquaintance level..i don't feel like we were as close as last year and again, i'm not sure why..yah, i know things have changed, but..

so i don't know..is it possible to miss people more when you see them more often and is it possible to lose touch with the people you see everyday??

Back in Waterloo

2005-02-27T19:24:00.000-05:00

**My friend sarah is my favouritest person in the world cuz she is a cool dude and i came to kingston to visit her because i love her. I am devious. Amanda is cool. **Written in first person not by Christine

Well, it's been a whole week since i've been back...An amazing whole week..Wrote midterm on friday and left for home as soon as possible..drove to Toronto and waited at Union station for a half an hour delayed train..and finally got to kingston at 9-ish..Kingston was sooooo much fun..loved hanging out with sarah and amanda..playing "games", balloon contest, clubbing, freezing cold walks, shopping at ridiculously expensive stores, watching movies and OC and of course "sleeping"..tons of fun and wish i was still there

Being back in Guelph was fun too..hung out with some old friends, went shopping like every day, had a couple of interviews, finally saw Ocean's 12, bowling, and hung out with family...it was quite exciting and way too short..

Despite, the two midterms this week, calculus assignment, chem lab and other school related stuff, i am happy to be back...it's nice seeing everyone again and getting back to old routines...and there's less then two months of school left..should be great!

ReAdInG wEeK!!!

2005-02-18T02:37:00.000-05:00

yay! in less then 10 hours, i will have written my last midterm before reading week...i then leave for kingston for 4 days...then go back to guelph...and begin the studying all over again for bio and sociology..it never stops...

i am in quite a weird mood tonite..not really studying or focussing..kinda just wandering...thinking..and just hanging out..and also, a little on the annoying side...thanx aneta for making me study..and herman for bringing me coffee..and maril for being awake with me..haha..it's been a fun nite guys..(i also killed my msn strike...didn't realize how much i love talking to some people..bily and his telepathic abilities..hehe)..and sarah for keeping me motivated..haha..if that's what you can call it..miss you

can't wait til reading week..should be lots of fun..hanging out with old friends and taking a mini breather from school..

*link to other blog at bottom of page..updated it a bit*

MiSsInG..

2005-02-15T17:20:00.000-05:00

This term has been so overwhelming...so many things are different and i'm finding that i'm missing people and so much more..

-I miss being at home and i miss my parents and sisters a lot
-I miss hanging out with my friends back at home
-I miss being out in BC for the holidays
-I miss people who are away at coop this term
-I miss Guelph (not that waterloo is much diff, but i miss it)
-I miss the girls on my floor who i hardly see anymore
-I miss my house and my car and my room
-I miss hanging out with people and just having fun
-I miss hanging out with my guelph friends who are here
-I miss my friends away at other universities
-I just sorta miss everthing

BiTs AnD PiEcEs

2005-02-12T23:13:00.000-05:00

I see a light in the sky in the warm sunshine
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
Turn a little faster the world will follow after
And the world is so beautiful tonight
My every wish and every dream somehow became reality

At the risk of sounding cheesy
Try as I may I can never explain
In all of creation, all things great and small
I'm closer to where I started
Lock the doors and leave the world outside
I won't put my hands up and surrender
I surrender to the strawberry ice cream

Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Desperate for changing
Cause these are the days, when all that i can do is dream
But I’m just fine moving forward
Completed my whole life
And that makes you larger than life

Completely incomplete
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
I wont let another minute go to waste
Sometimes I wish I could
never make a promise i don't intend to keep

There will be no white flag above my door
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
I've seen so much more than u know now
I can hardly catch my breath, i hope it lasts
Well, I guess you'll say what can make me feel this way?
So just give me one good reason

It's as if you've known me better than I ever knew myself
Deep within my soul, I feel nothing's like it used to be
But somehow I will show the world what’s inside my heart

WeEkEnD..and forecast of upcoming week

2005-02-11T23:24:00.000-05:00

This weekend was pretty awesome...
Friday-went to swiss chalet (so good..huge pitcher of shirley temple), went to sobeys, got frozen yogurt and pizza, rented wicker park (Josh hartnett is sooo hot..but movie was a little odd)
Saturday-woke up at 11-ish, went to lunch, did some studying, had pizza for dinner, tried to sleep early but was awakened by a very late telephone call..
Sunday-went to hamilton for lunch, try to do some studying, also one week since i've been off msn..hehe, made gingerbread men..

This week is crazy busy week...
Monday-classes til 6:30, gotta start hardcore studying, happy valentines day
Tuesday-cramming starting for midterms..must focus, calc assignment due
Wednesday-chem midterm, bio quiz/test, classes all day
Thursday-physics midterm,
Friday-spectroscopy midterm..then kingston!!!

HaPpY LiSt

2005-02-09T17:38:00.000-05:00

happy thoughts...ah yes...those things

happy#1: kingston in 7 days..c'est tres heureux...can't wait
happy#2: there is snow...je peux faire du ski..i love snow
happy#3: 6 more school days til reading week...yay
happy#4: midterms will be over soon
happy#5: get to go home...passer du temps avec ma famille & mes amis
happy#6: it's a brand new year

very happy things coming up...and also a happy thing, my withdrawl from msn isn't so hard now...although i miss talking to the people i don't regularly see:(...meh, i'll be back soon enough, not sure how long it will last...

so i'll leave it at that...think happy

Change

2005-02-08T20:19:00.000-05:00

I've always liked changed...not saying that i deal with it well, just saying that i like it...i love learning, exploring, and living...and change brings all of that...i love little changes like buying new shoes or big changes like from elementary school to high school to university...

change is good in almost all aspects...and sometimes you don't realize how much you've changed until you take a trip back into the past...you learn so much without knowing it through change...you are who you are because you've learned to adapt with the changes in your life...and although change can be very hard sometimes, in the end, you manage to cope with it and it becomes the best new chapter of your life...pretty amazing stuff...

without change, you're kinda just floating...in between a the past but not quite into the present yet...and that's when things just get repetitive...change makes things exciting and new and creates opportunities and surprises..

so i guess all i'm saying is that i change is good and it makes the impossible possible

btw, guess what happened today?? it SNOWED...i love it!!!

A little taste of spring

2005-02-08T16:08:00.000-05:00

spring and me don't mix well together...first of all it rains too much and i am not very fond of the rain...also, i don't appreciate the stupid geese and ducks coming back and taking over the river...why don't they just permanently move to the south??...and i don't like how the snow melts...when the snow melts, it creates slush and puddles...puddles make my clothes and shoes dirty...i don't like having my shoes or clothes dirtied...and snow melting also means no more skiing for the year...and no more skiing makes me sad:(...and in spring, the sun hardly comes out...so although it is warmer...it is not bright outside...

i love being outside...and in the spring, it sux to be outside so i am stuck inside and quite frankly, that is not much fun...therefore spring is a very depressing season...and i don't like spring

Goals for myself

2005-02-07T19:24:00.000-05:00

I've been so unorganized lately and its time i get things sorted out...so i've decided to make a few goals...some are school related, some are life related and some just aren't related to anything...but hopefully i can stick to them

i) reduce hours of msn-msn is the biggest distraction in the world and my reason for lacking sleep...however, i can't just disconnect myself from msn because it is my form of communication with a lot of people...and without msn, i wouldn't be able to talk to these people:)

ii) focus a little more on school-i slack off way to much and get side tracked way to easily...like for instance, i started packing for my trip to kingston (which isn't til 2 weeks) instead of studying for calculus :S

iii) learn to appreciate my family more-being home reminds me how much i love them and how much they care for me...and i should learn to show them how much they mean to me

iv) try something new-whether it's food, a new activity or something else...just wanna get to know the world better..

v) be a little more happy-not that i'm not happy now, but i should be more happy and not think about the unhappy stuff a lot...

hehe..so that's my list at the moment...might add or change a few things later..but yup..so i should get some work done now:P

People and Places and Situations

2005-02-06T18:54:00.000-05:00

People: i love the people in my life...whether they bring frustration, happiness, complication, joy or any feeling...cuz without them, i wouldn't be who i am...and lately, i've learned to appreciate them a lot more...

Places: i was in guelph this weekend...been back home a lot this term...it's kinda nice...but the thing is, the more i go home, the more i miss it when i'm here...and it makes it so hard...i like being at home because i'm with my family and i get to hang out with people who i used to...but other thing is, when i go home...it's going home to a place that hasn't changed half as much as i have...and the people there are still stuck in the past...not that it's the past to them, but i guess it is to me...

Situations: i was in a bunch of weird situations this weekend...kinda out of the blue more or less, but good...sometimes you're in a situation where you have to re-open a door that previously took you so much work to close and keep closed...kinda weird analogy there...but i guess it was good...it makes me realize that life changes so fast...

so now, theres a whole bunch of new stuff happening...and everything is pretty good:P

Passion for skiing or passion for passion?

2005-02-03T16:21:00.000-05:00

I went skiing the other day and it occurred to me that when I ski, I really ski. 100% ski. My mind is completely focused on the snow, hill, and skiing. Nothing else seems to matter. It feels so amazing.

However, the more I think about it, the more I realize it isn’t the skiing itself that I love. It’s my love for having a passion. This might not make any sense to you, but it makes so much sense to me. I love being able to love something like skiing so strongly. I love loving it so much that I can forget about everything and just focus on it. Not a care in the world. No worrying about the calculus test I have Monday, about where I’ll be next year, about housing crap, about family stuff, or about anything. It’s just me and my passion.

I can only hope that everyone can have a passion as true as mind. Something that takes your mind off everything and leaves you without a care in the world. Something that makes you feel so amazing and wonderful. Something that you know will make you happy.

So I guess all I’m saying is, although I do love skiing, I love more that I love skiing and can be so passionate about it.

New Blog

2005-02-03T16:14:00.000-05:00

I'm starting a new blog cuz msn spaces sux and won't let me post any blogs..so yup, welcome!